Ethan and big brother fight a lot sometimes. Like over everything. Who gets to open/close the garage door. Who gets to play with what toy. Who gets to have their book read first at bedtime. Sometimes one of them will knock over the block tower or creation of the other, just to make the other person mad. The constant arguing can get really annoying and frustrating; it is hard to be patient sometimes. This is our first experience with siblings, and we're still learning how to handle all this.
It's been almost three weeks since they got here, and we have already seen a lot of improvement. The boys are learning to get along and love each other. They still fight, of course; all kids do. But they are figuring out how to settle their differences and disputes on their own. I don't have to step in and play referee all the time anymore. Ethan is even learning how to share his Thomas train and orange hammer. A big step for him.
Ethan is also getting used to having baby girl here and doesn't seem as jealous anymore. He still likes to be carried and held, but is able to wait for me to take care of her needs and put her down first without throwing a fit while I do it. He will bring toys to her and tells me to "go check on her" when she sounds like she might be waking up.
I'm so glad they're all getting along pretty well. This was one of our biggest concerns when we were deciding to get into foster care: how would having these children here affect Ethan? So far, at least, having them here has only done good things for Ethan and our family. This placement was definitely worth the wait. These kids really were meant to be in our home.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Big Questions
When can I go home? Why did they take me here anyways? These are some of the questions that big brother has started asking us this past week. I think that the excitement of new toys and new people are wearing off and he's starting to get a little homesick.
This is a shift from the first week or so. He used to say things like, "I want to stay here forever!" Or "If I do [blank], then you have to promise that I can stay here forever." And "I'm so glad I don't have to go back to my bad parents." But with regular biweekly visits starting and having been away from his parents for 2 weeks, he's starting to miss them a lot.
Luckily, this shift in attitude hasn't resulted in any behavioral problems, just questions of when and why. Questions that we really can't answer, because we don't know ourselves. But as we've already taught him about prayer, we pray together every night before bed that he'll be able to go home when things are ready for him and baby girl, and that the Holy Ghost will comfort him and help him adjust and be happy here.
He is still calling us mommy and daddy, and he still refers to Ethan as his little brother. So for as long as he is here, he is a part of our family, along with baby girl. We try to show him as much love as we can and teach him good values. We don't have any say in how long they will be here, but I hope that they'll be here as long as is necessary and that when he goes home, he'll remember his time here with fondness.
This is a shift from the first week or so. He used to say things like, "I want to stay here forever!" Or "If I do [blank], then you have to promise that I can stay here forever." And "I'm so glad I don't have to go back to my bad parents." But with regular biweekly visits starting and having been away from his parents for 2 weeks, he's starting to miss them a lot.
Luckily, this shift in attitude hasn't resulted in any behavioral problems, just questions of when and why. Questions that we really can't answer, because we don't know ourselves. But as we've already taught him about prayer, we pray together every night before bed that he'll be able to go home when things are ready for him and baby girl, and that the Holy Ghost will comfort him and help him adjust and be happy here.
He is still calling us mommy and daddy, and he still refers to Ethan as his little brother. So for as long as he is here, he is a part of our family, along with baby girl. We try to show him as much love as we can and teach him good values. We don't have any say in how long they will be here, but I hope that they'll be here as long as is necessary and that when he goes home, he'll remember his time here with fondness.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Random skills gained
Some random skills I've gained since becoming a foster mom:
1. How to parallel park (the last time I've parallel parked was when I failed it during the driving test); this is a required skill since the DCS office is downtown.
2. How to talk on the phone without being nervous or scared, even to strangers (a big one for me; I used to have to give myself a pep talk before making calls).
3. How to be flexible ("Can you bring them in for a visit this afternoon?" Sure. "They need a physical done, and it has to be tomorrow or the day after." Okay, I can do that. "Can you come in for a meeting tomorrow morning and meet their mom?" No problem.).
Learning so many new things, and this is only our first placement!
1. How to parallel park (the last time I've parallel parked was when I failed it during the driving test); this is a required skill since the DCS office is downtown.
2. How to talk on the phone without being nervous or scared, even to strangers (a big one for me; I used to have to give myself a pep talk before making calls).
3. How to be flexible ("Can you bring them in for a visit this afternoon?" Sure. "They need a physical done, and it has to be tomorrow or the day after." Okay, I can do that. "Can you come in for a meeting tomorrow morning and meet their mom?" No problem.).
Learning so many new things, and this is only our first placement!
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Adjusting to life with 3 kids
It's been a crazy and amazing week since we got our first foster care placement. Overnight we added 2 kids to our family. Ethan went from being the only child to being the middle child. We went from having a preschooler to having a kindergartener, preschooler, and baby.
I was expecting to be dealing with scared, angry, and confused kids, but surprisingly, they have both adjusted well. Big brother started calling us "mommy" and "daddy" by the end of day one. Baby girl doesn't seem to have any separation anxiety. They both seem to like it here. But maybe it's still the honeymoon period and the tough behaviors are yet to come. Maybe their current grief cycle is shock or denial. Time will tell, and I guess we'll just enjoy this while we can.
It's amazing how easily they've fit into our family. It's almost like they have always been here. There's been changes to our daily routine, of course, and bedtime is a bit harder and takes longer, and I no longer have enough time to feel like I'm wasting it on facebook and netflix (when I do have time for those things, I now feel highly justified).
Of all the kids, Ethan was the one having the hardest time adjusting. But he's improving, and learning to play with big brother without constant fighting. He is a little copycat and mirrors a lot of what big brother does. Thankfully there hasn't really been anything bad for him to copy (the worst thing he's learned is how to make fart noises). Having baby girl here has lead to some jealousy from Ethan. He will sometimes say things like "You don't want to hold the baby" or "You don't like to hold the baby." Aside from me holding her, his biggest issue is when she touches his toy masterpieces or gets in his way. But having him help out with taking care of the baby and making sure I still hold him as much as possible is helping.
I was expecting to be dealing with scared, angry, and confused kids, but surprisingly, they have both adjusted well. Big brother started calling us "mommy" and "daddy" by the end of day one. Baby girl doesn't seem to have any separation anxiety. They both seem to like it here. But maybe it's still the honeymoon period and the tough behaviors are yet to come. Maybe their current grief cycle is shock or denial. Time will tell, and I guess we'll just enjoy this while we can.
It's amazing how easily they've fit into our family. It's almost like they have always been here. There's been changes to our daily routine, of course, and bedtime is a bit harder and takes longer, and I no longer have enough time to feel like I'm wasting it on facebook and netflix (when I do have time for those things, I now feel highly justified).
Of all the kids, Ethan was the one having the hardest time adjusting. But he's improving, and learning to play with big brother without constant fighting. He is a little copycat and mirrors a lot of what big brother does. Thankfully there hasn't really been anything bad for him to copy (the worst thing he's learned is how to make fart noises). Having baby girl here has lead to some jealousy from Ethan. He will sometimes say things like "You don't want to hold the baby" or "You don't like to hold the baby." Aside from me holding her, his biggest issue is when she touches his toy masterpieces or gets in his way. But having him help out with taking care of the baby and making sure I still hold him as much as possible is helping.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Our First Placement
We got our first placement last week! The call came in the middle of the night, so needless to say, I got very little sleep that night. The two kids went right to sleep after the social worker left, but I barely slept. There was just too much on my mind. But of course, Matt and Ethan slept through the whole thing.
Matt took a half day to help me out in the morning. I'm so glad he did, because there would have been no way for me to get big brother off to school by myself. Getting all the carseats installed to fit in the backseat together was a pain.
From call to placement was only about an hour. It's crazy how quickly our lives changed. Literally overnight. But since we've been waiting for a placement since the beginning of January, everything was ready to go. All I had to do that night was set up the pack and play and pull out the blankets.
While the wait was long and hard at times, we really do feel like this is the right placement for our family. God's timing really is best.
Matt took a half day to help me out in the morning. I'm so glad he did, because there would have been no way for me to get big brother off to school by myself. Getting all the carseats installed to fit in the backseat together was a pain.
From call to placement was only about an hour. It's crazy how quickly our lives changed. Literally overnight. But since we've been waiting for a placement since the beginning of January, everything was ready to go. All I had to do that night was set up the pack and play and pull out the blankets.
While the wait was long and hard at times, we really do feel like this is the right placement for our family. God's timing really is best.
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