Lately, I've been feeling like all we ever do is wait. Waiting to get pregnant, waiting for a placement. I had thought that once we were licensed, we would get a placement within a week or two. But while we've had seven calls (5 that we were willing to accept, 1 that we declined due to severe medical needs, and 1 that we couldn't accept because it was for 3 kids and we can only take up to 2), none of them were placed with us.
At first it was really frustrating. I thought that I would be done waiting! This foster care thing was supposed to help me with the trial of not getting pregnant, right? So why am I STILL waiting? Well, after many prayers and pondering, I realized that this isn't all about me. We didn't sign up for this roller coaster for us. Yes, we do want to have more kids in our home, and yes, we might adopt at some point. But really, it all comes down to helping the kids, to providing a safe and loving home for them.
So we will be patient. And while we feel a small loss every time a potential placement falls through (because as soon as a we say yes, we can already imagine them in our lives and as a part of our family), that's nothing compared to the loss both parent(s) and child(ren) must be feeling. From time to time, I still think about these kids that might have come into our homes. These kids that I know very little about: just their ages, gender, why they were being removed, maybe a name. I wonder how they are adjusting and pray that all is well with them.
And for now we just enjoy our time together as a family of three.
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