Hello and Goodbye

Ethan and I got back from a 3 week long vacation earlier this week (which was so fun, btw). Matt had returned the week before and got a taste of single parenthood for a week. He had to juggle work, getting big brother to and from school, and getting baby girl to and from daycare. Oh, and of course there was dinner to make and dishes to clean, and putting the kiddos to bed. All by himself. He told me he never wanted to do this single parent thing again, and I told him it'll help him appreciate me that much more.

Two days after Ethan and I returned home, big brother and baby girl returned to their home. It was all very sudden. A long court hearing that ended with the social worker asking me if she could come pick them (and all their stuff) up in 2 hours. It was a bit crazy, but as she was an hour late, I was able to get everything in order.

Even though big brother and baby girl were only in our home for a month, we loved them and cared for them. While it was a bit hard to say goodbye, we're happy for them. This is what big brother has been praying for ever since we taught him how to pray. It also helps that we agreed with the courts decision and feel like it is safe for them to go home. A little bit more time to prepare would have been nice though. But maybe the suddenness of it helped make the goodbye easier. I didn't really have too much time to think about it; I was just trying to get all their clothes and toys packed up. And Matt didn't really get to say goodbye at all, since he was at work.

This placement has taught us a lot. We have been stretched, but learned that we are flexible. We have been tired, but learned that there are helping hands. We have been amazed at the instant love that we have felt for these kids, and even more so at the instant letting go when the time came to say goodbye.

So here we are again, waiting. Waiting for another call (we actually got a call just 2 hours after the kids left, and though we said yes, we didn't get the placement due to distance). I imagine this wait will be easier, though, since we've done it before. Plus, it might be nice to have a little break and regroup.

From a family of 5 to a family of 3 again. For now...

The Wait

Lately, I've been feeling like all we ever do is wait. Waiting to get pregnant, waiting for a placement. I had thought that once we were licensed, we would get a placement within a week or two. But while we've had seven calls (5 that we were willing to accept, 1 that we declined due to severe medical needs, and 1 that we couldn't accept because it was for 3 kids and we can only take up to 2), none of them were placed with us.

At first it was really frustrating. I thought that I would be done waiting! This foster care thing was supposed to help me with the trial of not getting pregnant, right? So why am I STILL waiting? Well, after many prayers and pondering, I realized that this isn't all about me. We didn't sign up for this roller coaster for us. Yes, we do want to have more kids in our home, and yes, we might adopt at some point. But really, it all comes down to helping the kids, to providing a safe and loving home for them.

So we will be patient. And while we feel a small loss every time a potential placement falls through (because as soon as a we say yes, we can already imagine them in our lives and as a part of our family), that's nothing compared to the loss both parent(s) and child(ren) must be feeling. From time to time, I still think about these kids that might have come into our homes. These kids that I know very little about: just their ages, gender, why they were being removed, maybe a name. I wonder how they are adjusting and pray that all is well with them.

And for now we just enjoy our time together as a family of three.