Last night we got a call about an almost 4 month old baby boy (J Boy) and Matt drove down to the Riley Children's Hospital to pick him up. He has a broken femur and a possible skull fracture. It was past 1am this morning by the time they got home. All things considered, J Boy slept pretty well last night and has been a pretty easy-going baby today. Ethan woke up in the middle of the night to the baby's crying and sat up in bed asking "Who's that?" I told him we got a new baby and to go back to sleep. Without further comment Ethan laid back down and slept.
This morning both Ethan and Taz seemed really interested in J Boy, though they kept their distance at first because of the brace on his legs. They warmed up to him quickly once we explained the injuries to them and that they just had to be careful not to touch his legs. Then they both tried handing him toys to hold and pulled the string to activate the music on his baby seat whenever he cried.
It's been almost 4 months since we've had a baby in the house. It'll be an adjustment, of course, but a quick one I think for the kids. Matt and I will probably have a harder time since we have to adjust to getting less sleep than we've been getting lately. But it's all worth it for this precious little boy.
Current kiddos: Taz (10), Ethan (4), and J Boy (4 months).
A new adventure, here we come!
Monday, May 16, 2016
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Life's a Rollercoaster
About a week and a half after Tigger left to live with her relative, we got a call that her relative wanted her moved due to behavioral problems at home and at daycare. "Can you take her back?" was the question. Without hesitation we said "Yes! Of course!" We were ready to have her back in our home immediately; there wasn't really any preparation needed on our part. But on their end there was paperwork to be done and whatnot. Yesterday we were told to expect her on Friday. Well, today we were told that her relative had changed her mind. Tigger is no longer coming back to our home.
To say that we are disappointed is an understatement. When we said our goodbyes almost 2 weeks ago (those of us who were actually able to say goodbye), we never expected to ever hear of her again, let alone see her again. To be asked to take her back and then told it wasn't going to happen anymore, it was like losing her all over again. The loss is actually worse than the first time.
We hope that her relative was just overwhelmed and that she won't change her mind again. Because if we get another placement soon, the odds are that we would be unable to take Tigger back. In a way I'm happy the relative changed her mind, that she didn't just give up on Tigger so soon. Tigger was just a normal 3 year old kid in our home and in the 2.5 months that we had her, we never saw any extreme behavioral issues. Hopefully now that she's had time to settle into her relative's home, things will be as good for her there as it was here in our home.
Life's a rollercoaster, especially with foster care...
To say that we are disappointed is an understatement. When we said our goodbyes almost 2 weeks ago (those of us who were actually able to say goodbye), we never expected to ever hear of her again, let alone see her again. To be asked to take her back and then told it wasn't going to happen anymore, it was like losing her all over again. The loss is actually worse than the first time.
We hope that her relative was just overwhelmed and that she won't change her mind again. Because if we get another placement soon, the odds are that we would be unable to take Tigger back. In a way I'm happy the relative changed her mind, that she didn't just give up on Tigger so soon. Tigger was just a normal 3 year old kid in our home and in the 2.5 months that we had her, we never saw any extreme behavioral issues. Hopefully now that she's had time to settle into her relative's home, things will be as good for her there as it was here in our home.
Life's a rollercoaster, especially with foster care...
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Another Goodbye
A couple of days ago, Tigger left our home to live with a relative. It wasn't unexpected since they've been discussing this move for 2 months. However, the move happened quite suddenly. I knew they had court that day for her case, and knew that the judge would probably order this move, but I thought that they would've had a transition for her into the relative's home (increased visits, overnight visits...). She's only seen this relative twice before.
When I got the call after court, it was a scramble to get as much of her things packed as possible. I had less than half an hour. I'm sure it was confusing for Tigger to see me toss all her clothes into a laundry basket, along with her toys and shoes: "What are you doing mommy?" she asked. I had to quickly explain that she was going to live with her relative: "And then I come back here mommy?" she asked. "No, you're not going to live here anymore. The judge wants you to live with your relative. You'll be safe there. She'll take care of you." I explained.
The hardest part about saying goodbye this time around was having to wonder how she'll adjust. Will she regress developmentally (I toilet trained her, but when she was in respite while we were out of town for spring break, she had daily, multiple accidents in that home.) or behaviorally (Before she came to live with us she had anger issues and trouble listening, severe enough to need therapy; she never had those problems in our home and therapy was discontinued.)? I also had to worry about how the others in my family would adjust, especially Taz, who was at school when Tigger left. Thankfully she took it real well when she found out after school. I think it helped that we all knew this day would be coming, sooner or later.
The day after she left I did what I always do when a foster child leaves: clean and pack. I clean to decompress and to prepare for a future placement. And I pack away all the things we no longer need because the child has left our home.
The 2.5 months that Tigger was here was busy and fun. She learned so much here, and taught us so much too. She and Ethan fought and played like true siblings would. And she had Matt wrapped around her little finger in a way only daughters can do. She annoyed Taz and got her to indulge her like the little sister she was. Tigger and I butted heads and made up just like mothers and daughters would do. As short of a time as she was here, she was a part of our family. And in many ways she is still a part of our family, and always will be.
We didn't ask for a break this time, but we didn't tell them we were ready for a new placement either. So we'll just wait and see and be surprised as to when our time as a 4-person family will end.
Current Kiddos: Taz (9) and Ethan (4)
When I got the call after court, it was a scramble to get as much of her things packed as possible. I had less than half an hour. I'm sure it was confusing for Tigger to see me toss all her clothes into a laundry basket, along with her toys and shoes: "What are you doing mommy?" she asked. I had to quickly explain that she was going to live with her relative: "And then I come back here mommy?" she asked. "No, you're not going to live here anymore. The judge wants you to live with your relative. You'll be safe there. She'll take care of you." I explained.
The hardest part about saying goodbye this time around was having to wonder how she'll adjust. Will she regress developmentally (I toilet trained her, but when she was in respite while we were out of town for spring break, she had daily, multiple accidents in that home.) or behaviorally (Before she came to live with us she had anger issues and trouble listening, severe enough to need therapy; she never had those problems in our home and therapy was discontinued.)? I also had to worry about how the others in my family would adjust, especially Taz, who was at school when Tigger left. Thankfully she took it real well when she found out after school. I think it helped that we all knew this day would be coming, sooner or later.
The day after she left I did what I always do when a foster child leaves: clean and pack. I clean to decompress and to prepare for a future placement. And I pack away all the things we no longer need because the child has left our home.
The 2.5 months that Tigger was here was busy and fun. She learned so much here, and taught us so much too. She and Ethan fought and played like true siblings would. And she had Matt wrapped around her little finger in a way only daughters can do. She annoyed Taz and got her to indulge her like the little sister she was. Tigger and I butted heads and made up just like mothers and daughters would do. As short of a time as she was here, she was a part of our family. And in many ways she is still a part of our family, and always will be.
We didn't ask for a break this time, but we didn't tell them we were ready for a new placement either. So we'll just wait and see and be surprised as to when our time as a 4-person family will end.
Current Kiddos: Taz (9) and Ethan (4)
Monday, February 22, 2016
1 Year of Fostering
About 1 year ago, we received our first foster placement. It seems like ages ago. Reflecting on this past year, I can truly say that we have been blessed. It was a privilege to have had each of those 20 kids in our home. Not all of them were a good fit in our family, but we learned so much from caring and loving each and every one of them. Of the 18 that have left, we were relieved to see some them go, we were heartbroken over some of them, and many were somewhere in between. But we think about all of them often, wondering if they are safe, happy, and well taken care of.
Some of the hardest things we've gone through this first year of fostering are:
Some of the hardest things we've gone through this first year of fostering are:
- saying goodbye
- recognizing and learning to deal with our many shortcomings as parents
- living with the constant uncertainty
- dealing with the bio family and their complaints
But all of that pales in comparison with what we've gained, which includes:
- hearing our kiddos say "I Love You"
- having the kids ask for more hugs, to be held, to sit on our laps
- being called mommy and daddy
- having the kids say that they love it here, that they don't want to leave
- being able to provide the kids with a stable, loving home
- teaching them the gospel
- seeing them grow, develop, and thrive in our home
- enjoying fun activities together
Fostering isn't easy, and there have been times when we've felt like giving up, but sticking it out has been worth it. When fostering is at its hardest, I remind myself that as hard as it is for us, it's a million times harder for the kids. As foster parents, we have many choices, but as foster kids, they have almost none. They certainly didn't choose to be in foster care. While we have the choice to throw in the towel at any time, these kids have no choice. Their fate is in the hands of their parents, DCS, and the judge. The least we can do is make their lives as stable and happy as possible while they wait in the limbo of foster care.
Looking forward to another year of fostering, I wonder what it'll bring...
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Saying Goodbye, Moving On
This past weekend, our babies left to live with their dad. Sissy was in our home for 9.5 months, the longest we've had a foster child. Pumpkin was in our home for 3.5 months, his entire life. It's so strange how much a part of our life they have been, but then one phone call later, we're packing their things and they left the next day. Just like that. Thankfully, though, this move didn't catch us by surprise. We've known for over a month that it was coming, and they've had some overnight weekend visits.
In the days after they left, we kept ourselves busy with cleaning up the house and doing those chores that have been put on the back burner for the last few months. But even then, we started to feel pretty empty after a few days. Going from 4 kids to 2 is a big jump. Going from 2 babies to none is a big change.
When it became apparent that the babies would be leaving soon, Matt and I discussed what we wanted to do after they left. And we decided that we would take a little break, maybe about 2-4 weeks. We'll play it by ear, we thought. We also decided that when we were ready to take another placement, that we would just take 1, instead of 2 kids. And we told this to our social worker, knowing that it would be hard for us to say no to a placement if we got a call for one.
Well, tonight's on-call worker forgot that little info, and gave us a call. At first it was for two kiddos, 9 months and almost 2. But while we were considering, they got another referral: a 3 year old girl (Tigger). It didn't take us long to realize that we are okay with our break being cut short (4 days instead of 4 weeks) and accept the placement of the 3 year old little girl.
This will be an adjustment for everyone in our home, having 2 toddlers again. But hopefully Ethan, especially, will get used to having Tigger around and there won't be too much pushing and hitting. And hopefully Taz won't be too annoyed at having 2 little kids following her around.
3 kids, 2 adults...here we go!
Current Run-Down: Taz (9), Ethan (3-almost 4!), Tigger (3)
In the days after they left, we kept ourselves busy with cleaning up the house and doing those chores that have been put on the back burner for the last few months. But even then, we started to feel pretty empty after a few days. Going from 4 kids to 2 is a big jump. Going from 2 babies to none is a big change.
When it became apparent that the babies would be leaving soon, Matt and I discussed what we wanted to do after they left. And we decided that we would take a little break, maybe about 2-4 weeks. We'll play it by ear, we thought. We also decided that when we were ready to take another placement, that we would just take 1, instead of 2 kids. And we told this to our social worker, knowing that it would be hard for us to say no to a placement if we got a call for one.
Well, tonight's on-call worker forgot that little info, and gave us a call. At first it was for two kiddos, 9 months and almost 2. But while we were considering, they got another referral: a 3 year old girl (Tigger). It didn't take us long to realize that we are okay with our break being cut short (4 days instead of 4 weeks) and accept the placement of the 3 year old little girl.
This will be an adjustment for everyone in our home, having 2 toddlers again. But hopefully Ethan, especially, will get used to having Tigger around and there won't be too much pushing and hitting. And hopefully Taz won't be too annoyed at having 2 little kids following her around.
3 kids, 2 adults...here we go!
Current Run-Down: Taz (9), Ethan (3-almost 4!), Tigger (3)
Sunday, January 24, 2016
New Faces
Over the last few months, we have settled into life with 4 kids. Our newborn isn't so new anymore and we're getting the hang of having a kid in school. A couple weekends ago though, we changed things up a bit. We agreed to do respite for another foster family (the couple wanted to go out of town for their anniversary; how could we say no?). When we agreed to this, we thought we'd have 6 kids for 1 of the two nights, but happily it turned out that Pumpkin and Sissy's overnight visit was for 2 nights instead of 1. So there was only a 1/2 hour overlap when we had all 6 kids.
The respite kiddos we had for the weekend were Ay (6) and Al (5 months). Ethan really enjoyed having another boy to play with, and Taz enjoyed having a kid closer to her age to play with, so it was a win-win for both of them. It was nice for us to, because somehow by adding a third kid to the mix, the kids played really well on their own. I guess it's nice to have a new playmate every once in awhile.
Al was a pretty chill baby. It's amazing how much more he could do than Pumpkin, being 2 months older. The one thing we did not enjoy at all was his sleep, or lack thereof. We were told by his regular foster mom that he only woke up once a night around 3am or 4am. Well, for us on the first night he slept until about 2am, then woke up about once every hour after that, though he didn't need to be fed until after 7am. Each time he woke up he fell back asleep on his own, before I could get to him. The next night was a bit worse in he needed to be fed once in the middle of the night and still woke up about once every hour after that. Each time he woke up he needed his pacifier put back in his mouth. Poor baby (and poor us!); having to adjust to a new place must be hard.
Other than the lack of sleep, we enjoyed having Ay and Al stay with us. Ay had a bit of a hard time when he had to leave. I think he really liked staying with us, probably because he doesn't have any playmates in his regular foster home. When they left, we thought we'd probably never see them again...
...but we were wrong. This last weekend we were asked to watch them again just for one night due to a medical emergency with his foster parent. As hard as it was to say yes knowing that we'd likely get very little sleep again (especially since we were so looking forward to a full night's sleep with Sissy and Pumpkin gone on their overnight weekend visit), we knew it'd be a lot easier for Ay and Al to stay with us and not have to adjust to a complete stranger's home for 1 night.
It was a short stay, but mostly enjoyable. Ay was so excited to be back and the kids had a blast playing together all morning on Saturday. Al, as expected, slept terribly. Even worse than before, actually. Once he woke up and was fed at 3am, it took him 2 hours to fall back asleep. But we took turns tending to him and survived.
It's been awhile since we've done respite (with 4 kids we haven't even be asked in months) and even though it was a bit of a sacrifice, I'm glad we were able to help out (both the kids and their foster parents). I'm glad we had the extra beds and time to take those kids in; Heavenly Father has blessed us so much and we're blessed to be able to share what we have with others.
The respite kiddos we had for the weekend were Ay (6) and Al (5 months). Ethan really enjoyed having another boy to play with, and Taz enjoyed having a kid closer to her age to play with, so it was a win-win for both of them. It was nice for us to, because somehow by adding a third kid to the mix, the kids played really well on their own. I guess it's nice to have a new playmate every once in awhile.
Al was a pretty chill baby. It's amazing how much more he could do than Pumpkin, being 2 months older. The one thing we did not enjoy at all was his sleep, or lack thereof. We were told by his regular foster mom that he only woke up once a night around 3am or 4am. Well, for us on the first night he slept until about 2am, then woke up about once every hour after that, though he didn't need to be fed until after 7am. Each time he woke up he fell back asleep on his own, before I could get to him. The next night was a bit worse in he needed to be fed once in the middle of the night and still woke up about once every hour after that. Each time he woke up he needed his pacifier put back in his mouth. Poor baby (and poor us!); having to adjust to a new place must be hard.
Other than the lack of sleep, we enjoyed having Ay and Al stay with us. Ay had a bit of a hard time when he had to leave. I think he really liked staying with us, probably because he doesn't have any playmates in his regular foster home. When they left, we thought we'd probably never see them again...
...but we were wrong. This last weekend we were asked to watch them again just for one night due to a medical emergency with his foster parent. As hard as it was to say yes knowing that we'd likely get very little sleep again (especially since we were so looking forward to a full night's sleep with Sissy and Pumpkin gone on their overnight weekend visit), we knew it'd be a lot easier for Ay and Al to stay with us and not have to adjust to a complete stranger's home for 1 night.
It was a short stay, but mostly enjoyable. Ay was so excited to be back and the kids had a blast playing together all morning on Saturday. Al, as expected, slept terribly. Even worse than before, actually. Once he woke up and was fed at 3am, it took him 2 hours to fall back asleep. But we took turns tending to him and survived.
It's been awhile since we've done respite (with 4 kids we haven't even be asked in months) and even though it was a bit of a sacrifice, I'm glad we were able to help out (both the kids and their foster parents). I'm glad we had the extra beds and time to take those kids in; Heavenly Father has blessed us so much and we're blessed to be able to share what we have with others.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
A Revolving Door
Last week, we said goodbye to Sunshine, who had been in our home for 7 months. We have been expecting reunification to happen for awhile, especially after she started overnight weekend visits over a month ago. It was with mixed feelings as we packed her things and said goodbye (this time we had a day's notice): sadness at seeing her go, probably never to meet again and not knowing how things will turn out for her, and yet relief at being free from the difficulties of having her go back and forth. The last month of her stay was tough for all in the household, and not because we got her newborn brother. It was because she was gone SO much. Towards the end, she was only here for about 16 hours of awake time a week. That didn't leave us much time to play with her and feel connected. She would come back from visits being more difficult to handle, which was understandable as she has different rules (or a lack thereof) there. So while it was hard to see her go, it was time, and best for everyone. I guess this all means that the transition home was successful: we went from feeling like parents to her, to an Aunt/Uncle/Nanny role as visits increased, to finally just like a babysitter this last month. We hope the best for her, that she'll be safe and happy. Since her younger siblings are still with us and they'll all be having visits with their mom together, I should be able to hear some news of how she's doing from the visit supervisor. And for that I'm really grateful. The hardest part of saying goodbye to a foster child is not knowing how they're doing and what's happened to them.
The day that Sunshine left, Taz (who had stayed with us for 2 weeks and then another weekend previously) came back to our home. Our agency called and asked if she could stay with us for another weekend, and we agreed since we've had her before and enjoy having her here. Earlier this week they asked us if we would consider keeping her here as an actual long-term placement. We said yes without hesitation (in fact, Matt had a feeling awhile ago that this might happen). And today everything was approved. I'll be taking her to be registered at our local school tomorrow. There will be some adjusting to do as we figure out life with a grader-schooler (chores, allowance, homework, Activity Days...advice is welcome). But we're excited to embark on this new adventure.
New Current Kiddos: Taz (9), Ethan (3.5), Sissy (1), Pumpkin (1 month)
The day that Sunshine left, Taz (who had stayed with us for 2 weeks and then another weekend previously) came back to our home. Our agency called and asked if she could stay with us for another weekend, and we agreed since we've had her before and enjoy having her here. Earlier this week they asked us if we would consider keeping her here as an actual long-term placement. We said yes without hesitation (in fact, Matt had a feeling awhile ago that this might happen). And today everything was approved. I'll be taking her to be registered at our local school tomorrow. There will be some adjusting to do as we figure out life with a grader-schooler (chores, allowance, homework, Activity Days...advice is welcome). But we're excited to embark on this new adventure.
New Current Kiddos: Taz (9), Ethan (3.5), Sissy (1), Pumpkin (1 month)
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