Life Changes Without Notice

Less than a week since Tiny came, we got a call from our agency letting us know that Sunshine and Sissy's mom was in labor and that he be removed. And their question was, can you take him? If we said yes, we would have 5 under 4 (3.5, 2.5, 2.5, 11 months, and a newborn). But that's just too insane, even for us. So we told them that in order for us to take the newborn (Pumpkin), they would have to find a new home for Tiny.

It took them a day to find Tiny a new home (which was also able to take in his sister that was in a separate foster home) and another day to decide to move him there. But once the decision was made, everything happened real quickly. I had about 2 hours notice before they picked Tiny up (I was able to get all his stuff packed up) and 4 hours notice before I had to pick up Pumpkin from the hospital.

This is our first experience of having a newborn foster child, and it's very different from when we had Ethan. While Pumpkin does wake up at night to eat, it's not as often since he is bottle-fed. And I sleep great as soon as he settles down since I'm not postpartum or nursing. I don't think I'll ever be as tired as I was during the first year of Ethan's life.

So far everyone is adjusting well to having a newborn in the house and one less toddler (which has meant less sleep and less fighting). We have no idea how long our current set of kids will be here, but such is the life of foster-parenthood. All we can do is love and care for them while they are here and hope for the best when they move on.

Life with 4 Under 4

It's been almost 1 week since we accepted our 3rd (official) placement as foster parents, and the first time we've had 2 long-term placements at once. Taking in Tiny (2.5) put us at 4 under 4 (3.5, 2.5, 2.5, 11 months).

It hasn't been as hard as I imagined. After saying yes, both Matt and I had moments of doubt; we wondered if we were biting off more than we could chew. While there has been moments of craziness and frustration (but, then again, we had those times when we "just" had 3 under 4), it has been manageable. It really helps, of course, that Sunshine and Sissy has over 20 hours of visitation a week and that they all sleep through the night. Plus, what's one more toddler when you already have 2?  

Tiny is a sweet boy and we've enjoyed watching the progress he's already made in our home. He is non-verbal (only understandable spoken words are bye, hi, and ball) but uses 5-10 signs (more, all-done, please, help, water, thank-you...). I don't know if he learned those signs from me or if he already knew them, but it is great to see him use them more consistently and without prompting. He does hit (others and himself) when upset at times, but has been responding well to warnings and timeouts. 

Because of Tiny's background and behavior, I've tried super hard since he's been here to watch my reaction to his and the other children's behavior. Using an overly harsh tone/yelling really upsets him and he will start hitting himself. So when correcting him and the other kids I've tried to use light tones (almost overly happy/cheerful) and treat situations in a matter-of-fact way ("we don't hit, we use soft hands; sit on the stairs until you're ready to be nice"). I've been trying to be better about doing this for awhile with Ethan and Sunshine, but having Tiny here has really been helpful to me in achieving this goal. That's slightly surprising to me, since I have been more busy and stressed since
Tiny arrived. 

But in some ways it's not that surprising. Because I've had more on my plate this last week, my priorities and expectations have changed. I don't expect as much from the kids (accidents happen, and that's okay) or myself (Dinner not cooked by the time Matt gets home? Oh well; everyone's alive and sane.). During the day, I've been spending a lot more time playing with the kids and less time facebooking, web browsing, watching Netflix, reading books, or talking on the phone. Basically, I was focused on them as much as I could be and still use the bathroom and do some chores around the house (I pretty much had to at least have them in sight when I had all 3 toddlers at once to ensure that they all survived playtime). While having another kids means less individual time with each of them, the quality of my time with them has increased. I feel like I've been able to be a happier mom and that my children are happier, too. Hopefully I can keep this up if/when my load lightens. 

A Redeeming Emergency Placement

Just over 2 weeks ago, we accepted an emergency placement; the first one we've done in 2 months. We had settled into life with 3, and after the difficulty of the last temporary placement, we weren't too keen on doing it again (it helped that we haven't been asked to do so too many times, so we've only had to say no a couple of times). But when we got the call to take in a 9 year old girl (Taz) for a few days, we just couldn't think of a good reason to say no. Saying yes felt right.

We were a little nervous about it still, due to her age. But it turned out to be a really fun placement. She was really easy to get along with and helped me out around the house and with the younger kids (without me asking her). Taz could have real conversations with me and play games too! It was a nice change from babies and toddlers. It also helped that she was gone at school all day during the week and was a great sleeper.

As happens often with short-term placements, she stayed longer than originally planned. Taz ended up being here for 2 weeks (the limit of being a short-term placement). While life was certainly busier with 4 kids, it was a great 2 weeks. We went swimming, had a game night with friends, went to General Conference and church, played at parks and went for walks, and hung out at home.

This placement really helped us to feel like we could do respite/emergency placements again with older kids, that not all older children would be difficult. I really enjoyed teaching her the gospel and it was amazing how receptive she was to it as we prayed, had Family Home Evening, scripture study, church, and General Conference. I hope that her short time in our home gave her a glimpse of the future she can still have, despite her family situation right now. Hopefully it will give her the strength to face whatever is ahead of her.