The Need for Foster Homes and Respite

Last night, we attended a foster parent support group with our agency. It was great to talk to other foster families in the area. While many are supportive of our fostering journey, it was great to talk to others who understand the craziness of it all first hand and hear about their experiences.

One of the things that was said that really hit home with me was when we were all talking about the horrible things that many foster parents have to put up with and how frustrating it is to try to be good foster parents in a broken system. One of the foster parents, who have been at this for more than 10 years, said that as time goes on, you get stronger and are able to withstand the difficulties of dealing with bio families and a system that's far from perfect. That eventually, you learn to take the bad with the good. That the one good experience of helping a rehabilitated family become reunited or adopting a child in need of a good home keeps you coming back for the 10 times of bad experiences that might come. That even if you are only able to save 1 child out of 10, or even 1 child out of 1000, you still have saved a precious child of God. The difficulties of being a foster parent is worth that 1 child.

The discussion later turned to the need for more foster homes. In recent years, the number of children removed from biological homes have increased while the number of available foster homes have decreased. Obviously, that creates a big problem. Where are these kids to go? And then there's the problem of the lack of respite available for foster parents. Sometimes, we just need a break. Everyone needs a break from kids eventually. Every couple needs to go on dates sometimes. But if there are no approved babysitters or respite homes available to take your foster kids for you for a few hours or a weekend, what can you do?

In our own situation, we only have 2 approved babysitters. Pretty limited, but we're doing fine so far and getting the breaks and dates we need. However, when we went on vacation for 2 weeks, it was so difficult to find a respite home. In fact, there were no 1 home that could take our kids for the whole 2 weeks that we were gone. They had to be in 3 different homes while we were gone. So in the 6 weeks that our first placement were in foster care, they were in 4 different homes. I felt so bad about it, but what could we have done? Not gone our vacation that we've been planning for months and already paid for? Of course not. And we couldn't take them with us because we were going out of state and the kids would have missed too many visits with their parents. If only there were more respite homes...

The need for foster homes are great. But it is tough work that is not for everyone. It takes a lot of commitment. But did you know that you could be a respite only home? You have to go through the training, get background checked, get certified for first aid, CPR, and universal precautions, and probably some other stuff that I'm forgetting. But the point is, you can be a licensed foster home but choose to only do respite for other foster parents. You wouldn't have to take in kids full time fresh from their biological family. You can just take kids who have already been in foster care for a few weeks or months (or years, unfortunately) and give their regular foster parents a break. Just for 1 night, or a weekend, or a week, or 2 weeks. And you can be as selective as you want on the age range, gender, medical condition, and behavior difficulty of the children as you want. Since these kids have already been in foster care for awhile, you'll get a better idea of what you're getting yourself into than those of us who take in kids fresh from their biological parents (when information is often limited). If even being a respite home is beyond what you can do, you can still help! Simply become an approved babysitter. All you need to do is get background checked. This will allow you to watch foster kids during the day, allowing foster parents to go to doctor appointments or go on a date.

I'm so grateful that God has lead us to do foster care. It has been difficult and frustrating, but it has also been a great blessing. I look forward to all the experiences that we will continue to have and all that we'll be able to learn.

Our Second Placement

Exactly 1 week after our first placement left, we got our 2nd placement. The wait this time was much shorter and we very much enjoyed that break to recoup.

This placement has been a lot crazier than our first, not because these kids have any behavioral problems, but because of their young age. Sunshine is 2 and 3 months old, and Sissy is 5.5 months old. We have 3 kids 3 and under now! And they don't sleep quite as well as our last placement (first night we had them, Sissy woke up every 2-3 hours; thankfully she now only wakes up once a night). Things are more hectic around and we are more tired, but we are still enjoying having these girls in our home.

Sunshine is always smiling and happy (except when she's fighting with Ethan over something). It's hard to understand what's she saying a lot of the time, but she communicates her needs pretty well. And she's almost completely potty trained (yay!). She doesn't seem to like naps, which makes for a very long day as Ethan has also stopped napping. But we (attempt to) do quiet time at least.

Sissy is sleeping better and eating more now that we switched to a different bottle (even though the bottle we were using was what she came with). She is pretty happy and content most of the time. It's cute to watch Ethan pet her head gently and hold her hand and talk to her when we're in the car. He seems to have really taken to her immediately (which is a change from how he was with baby girl; maybe because Sissy is immobile and can't destroy his stuff like baby girl could).

We have no clue how long they'll be with us. There is a possible relative placement in the works, so it could be pretty short. But yet again, for however long they're with us, we'll love them and enjoy teaching them and caring for them the best that we can.

Hello and Goodbye

Ethan and I got back from a 3 week long vacation earlier this week (which was so fun, btw). Matt had returned the week before and got a taste of single parenthood for a week. He had to juggle work, getting big brother to and from school, and getting baby girl to and from daycare. Oh, and of course there was dinner to make and dishes to clean, and putting the kiddos to bed. All by himself. He told me he never wanted to do this single parent thing again, and I told him it'll help him appreciate me that much more.

Two days after Ethan and I returned home, big brother and baby girl returned to their home. It was all very sudden. A long court hearing that ended with the social worker asking me if she could come pick them (and all their stuff) up in 2 hours. It was a bit crazy, but as she was an hour late, I was able to get everything in order.

Even though big brother and baby girl were only in our home for a month, we loved them and cared for them. While it was a bit hard to say goodbye, we're happy for them. This is what big brother has been praying for ever since we taught him how to pray. It also helps that we agreed with the courts decision and feel like it is safe for them to go home. A little bit more time to prepare would have been nice though. But maybe the suddenness of it helped make the goodbye easier. I didn't really have too much time to think about it; I was just trying to get all their clothes and toys packed up. And Matt didn't really get to say goodbye at all, since he was at work.

This placement has taught us a lot. We have been stretched, but learned that we are flexible. We have been tired, but learned that there are helping hands. We have been amazed at the instant love that we have felt for these kids, and even more so at the instant letting go when the time came to say goodbye.

So here we are again, waiting. Waiting for another call (we actually got a call just 2 hours after the kids left, and though we said yes, we didn't get the placement due to distance). I imagine this wait will be easier, though, since we've done it before. Plus, it might be nice to have a little break and regroup.

From a family of 5 to a family of 3 again. For now...