Today, Taz left to live with her dad. We've known this was the plan for a couple months, the longest notice we've had for any of our kids who have left. So you could say that we've had plenty of time to prepare for this goodbye, but really, is any length of time "enough" to say goodbye forever?
It's interesting, because you'd think it would've been harder to say goodbye to the babies and toddlers we've had who were here around the same length of time that Taz has been (9 months). But it wasn't. She's only been gone for a couple of hours and it's already harder. We got attached to her more than any of the others who have left, which may seem odd because she's older and people seem to think that it's easier to attach to and love babies and toddlers, but that's just not always the case. I don't know why Taz got attached to us so quickly or why we came to love her so quickly, but it was very natural. She was, and is, our daughter. So saying goodbye today was no fun.
All week, while packing up her stuff and getting ready for her to leave, there have been many moments when I've thought, "this is the last time". The last time taking her to the store, the last time going to the park together, the last time going swimming together, the last meal, the last song goodnight, the last hug. Because we may never see her again in this lifetime.
Sending her off today, I felt like how I imagine a parent would feel like sending their child off to college. Worrying if we've taught her enough to take care of herself, to be safe and successful in the world. It's a weird feeling, feeling the need to squish everything Taz would need to learn into 9 short months (especially when for 6 of those months we thought we'd have at least a year or two or more). Because we don't know if anyone will teach her those values and life skills we feel is necessary.
But even a parent sending their child off to college (or a mission or anywhere) can write letters, call, skype, or visit. We don't have those options. All we can do now is pray for her. She is in God's hands.
So, for now, we are a family of 6: Ethan (4), Tigger (4), Chip (4), Smallz (2)
