Last weekend we took in two brothers, ages 5 (C) and 7 (M). They got here at bedtime and it took awhile to get them to settle down and fall asleep (totally understandable as they are in a stranger's home). They were up real early though, resulting in them only getting 8 hours of sleep. M got mad about something pretty early on and kept saying he didn't like it here and that he wanted to go home to his mom. We explained to him that they'll be here for the weekend and then we'll see what the social worker says when they come in a few days. He tried to open the front door a few times, but with the doornob cover we have on it (even though he can rip it off) and the two locks, I was able to stop him before he got the door open. I explained that in our house we have two big rules for safety: don't leave the house without permission and don't hit/kick/push others. I told him that if he behaved and listened well the rest of the morning, he could play minecraft after lunch while the little ones napped. That seemed to smooth things over and we all had a great rest of the morning. We even went to the park and we didn't have any more incidents...
Until after we let him play minecraft for a bit after lunch. The little kids were still sleeping when his time was up on the computer. I gave him a few options for quiet activities to do until they woke up, and he wasn't happy with any of them. He started calling me names, and when I tried to do put him in time out, everything blew up. He tried repeatedly to escape our house and it was all Matt and I could do to block the door. He continued calling us names and started throwing toys at us and that he wants to go home to his mom. Eventually the situation escalated to the point that we decided that we had to call our caseworker. I made the call while Matt delt with M; after hearing about what was going on, our caseworker made the 1 hour trip to our house. By the time I got off the phone, Matt had calmed M down, but only after M tried to get out the second story window. That's when we knew that the situation with M is beyond our ability to handle.
After our caseworker got here and talked to M, she too determined that it would be best for him to be moved. We felt really bad about doing that (it's our first placement disruption) but we just didn't feel like it was safe for him to be at our house anymore. This placement was only supposed to be for the weekend, and we couldn't even last 1 day with him. But there are limits to what we can and cannot handle. We also felt bad for our caseworker...we pretty much ruined her Saturday. She couldn't leave our house until everything was figured out, and it was 4 hours before they were able to find a new home for M to go to.
When it was finally time for M to leave, it was already bedtime and C was exhausted and ready to sleep. Saying goodbye to his brother was really tough for him, making us feel even worse about the whole thing (there was only room for 1 where M was going, so we agreed to keep C for the rest of the weekend). After M left C pushed me and said he hated me, but I was able to calm him down pretty quickly. We had a good talk about feelings and I told him it was okay to cry and be sad, but that it's not okay to hit and say mean things.
C was with us for 3 more days, and it was pretty uneventful for the most part. Some pushing/hitting and namecalling, but nothing that we couldn't handle. He was a sweet kid and his behavior improved over time as he got used the the rules and structure of our home. Telling him that it was time for him to leave and go to a new home was difficult; he was just starting to get used to things here. I had no real answers for him; I didn't know where he was going or how long he'd be there. But there was no way we could keep him long term due to carspace.
This placement was the hardest one by far that we've had out of the 14 foster kids that have come through our home so far. It was emotionally draining to deal with a child who didn't want to be here and was hateful and becoming violent in his anger and trying to run away. It was emotionally draining to have to make the decision to move a child that have already been moved twice that week and deal with the guilt of doing so. But this placement has also shown us our limits as to what we can and cannot handle. And looking back, I know that we made the best decision for everyone involved. We were able to keep everyone safe, and that's what's most important.
